#12. Bachelorette ep 6 recap
Oh my GOD. This episode was too much.
FIRST OF ALL, the episode opens with Katie, apropos of nothing, suggesting a little house challenge where the men are asked to not masturbate for as long as possible. I….huh?
I guess I don’t under…stand?
I also have so many questions: Where did this come from? For what reason is she suggesting this? How often are these dudes jerking it that this proposition is a huge deal? Isn’t Katie supposed to be ~~~sex positive~~~? Why does this weirdly imply that men are incapable of controlling their sexual urges and that asking them to do so is a ‘challenge’? How do they plan to monitor this, anyway? Are the camera men just peeking in on these guys in their sleeping quarters/in shower to make sure they aren’t doing the deed? I….????
Anyway, Katie affectionatly calls this a “wo-wo challenge” (Week Off Whacking Off) and I remain absolutely baffled. Also baffled that the network kept bleeping out “whacking off” like it’s a curseword but sure, go off.
Basically, they send one of the hosts (Kaitlyn) into a room full of horny dudes to announce this ‘challenge.’ They all look deeply shook, except for Mike the Virgin, who proclaims, “These guys are screwed—I’ve been mastering this my whole life.” I…am concerned for this man’s mental health, truly. Since when are virgins not allowed to jerk it? I went to catholic school for a long time and let me tell you, there were a lot of…ahem…loopholes… deemed appropriate even under the eyes of the Lord, so uh, idk Mike. You okay, dude?
Anyway, Connor the Cat has a lot to say about how difficult this challenge will be, including like 17 euphemisms for jerking off that I’ve never even thought of before (“Getting Jiggy with it” “Going Down-Town-Lester Brown” “Letting Your Freak Flag Fly” “Feeding the wild stallion”). All I can say is that I absoultely pity this man on the day he has to return home and face his class of eigth graders—let us not forget that this man is a MATH TEACHER. Afaskdjaskdj.
And then this gets kind of dropped? We never, at any point in the episode, have any clarification or closure about this wo-wo challenge and I am deeply disturbed by the whole ordeal.
So then the date card arrives, and it’s the first one-on-one—for Justin, the man with the greatest facial expressions of all time.
One-on-One: Justin
I hated this date. I really hated it. Basically they set up a faux-wedding, where they make Justin and Katie get all dressed up in a tux/wedding dress, take wedding photos, and write each other vows—no easy feat for two people who, up to this point, have spent approximately 3 minutes of alone time together!
Despite being deeply cringey, this activity portion of the date is suuuper boring. If I am honest, I paid more attention to eating guacamole during this segment of the episode than I did watching the actual date. Shrug!
In the evening portion of the date, Katie gets choked up talking about how she’s sad that her dad has passed and won’t get to walk her down the aisle someday. She also reveals that the father she grew up with is not actually her bio-dad, which is NEWS, and now the bio-dad is trying to form a relationship with her blah blah blah. This poor woman.
Anyway, Justin kinda fumbles his way through this convo imo, but gets the date rose in the end, promising him at least one more week in the house. Good for him, I guess.
Group Date
Meanwhile, back at the house, the group date card arrives. Everyone is on the card, except for Connor the Cat, meaning that Connor gets the second one-on-one. Connor gushes about how excited he is to go on the date and he seems genuinely thrilled at the idea that she wants to spend more time with him. This is what folks in the entertainment industry might call foreshadowing. Dun dun dunnnn.
The group date had SO MUCH POTENTIAL, but it felt so flat. Basically, the date is co-hosted by two drag queens. At first I am stoked, thinking that the guys are going to be asked to perform in drag. Mike the Dad is even excited, proclaiming excitedly that he’ll “go all the way!”
Unfortunately that is not what is in store. The guys are asked to “throw shade” during a Roast challenge. They are supposed to roast each other in a faux debate, in attempt to prove that they are the best match for Katie, by making fun of their competitors.
While I am disappointed that the men will not be singing and dancing in drag, I am kind of excited because I am fully expecting an absolutely brutal takedown of HUNTER, who behind the scenes, is the newest target for the group at large.
Unfortunately for all of us, the guys are gigantic weens and they totally flop on this date! There were a few funny things said about Hunter, and but most of the jokes are about the fact that Hunter is short, which is incredibly basic in terms of things you can make fun of men about— especially sconsidering all of the incredibly mockable characteristics that Hunter possesses beyond his height!
Some of the guys do bring up that Hunter is a “Bachelor Historian” who is a “superfan” and knows a ton about the franchise (imo it doesn’t seem that strange to know a lot about a show on which you are signing up to be a contestant, but go off, my guys), but in general all of these men are gigantic weens and no one wants to be mean to each other. Hunter tops the date off by saying some cheesy shit in attempt to come across as the “bigger person” in response to the shade being thrown at him.
So yeah, this date was a pretty big flop imo, except that it did tip Katie off to the fact that the guys in the house all have somewhat of a problem with Hunter. In the evening portion of the date, Katie chats with the guys, as usual.
Greg, during his time chatting with her that evening, once again makes her validate him 100 times, which is getting very old. Like, I get it—I would absolutely hate to be in a situation where multiple people are vying for the affection of the person I’m interested in, and would therefore also require a significant level of validation all of he time. On the other hand, you would never catch my insecure ass on a dating competition show for this exact reason, so Greg needs to simply simmer down with his sad puppy eyes and his begging for attention, if you ask me. Greg, you literally signed up for this.
Blake, in his time with Katie, expresses how hard he’s struggling from not having jerked off in like—what, 8 hours? give me a fucking BREAK. In fact, Blake outlines his entire masturbation schedule for some reason (several times per day and more on weekends! Sounds like someone needs a hobby). This grosses me out significantly but apparently not Katie, who proceeds to make out with Blake aggressively. Once again it is extremely clear to me that they have OFF THE CHARTS chemistry. Look out, GREG!
The other notible thing is that multiple men bring up having issues with Hunter—again throwing around the “is he here for the right reasons?” rhetoric. I’m so bored.
Katie decides to confront Hunter about the accusations, but naturally Hunter acts baffled and insists he really likes her. Katie gets so stressed out at this point that she actually runs to a bathroom and throws up. I don’t understand this visceral reaction—does she like Hunter that much? Is she just fed up by having the same bullshit brought up again and again right before every rose ceremony? Has she drunk too much champagne?
In any case, Katie barfs and calls it a night early. She does not give out a group date rose. OOP.
One-on-One: Connor
Connor is super stoked about his date. Like a little puppy. It is really cute. If any man ever got this excited about the idea of spending time with me, I would simply marry him on the spot.
HOWEVER, Katie says at the beginning of the date that she really likes Connor, but up to that point, she has been having friend-zone vibes and has been missing the passion/spark when they kiss. She’s hoping that the date will bring them closer and she’ll feel that spark at last. Uh oh, cat boi.
So, Katie has set up a little double-date with Kaitlyn (one of the hosts) and her fiance, Jason. They play games and grill and do some fun outdoor things. It seems like a good date, but it is clear that Katie is having doubts—she says again and again that she loves everything about Connor, and she’s really just missing that ~spark~. It’s really gut wrenching because it’s clear that Connor is SO into her.
They go in for a kiss, Connor does the awful head-grabby thing AGAIN, and I knew it was over for him. The day portion of the date ends. We then see Connor getting dressed up for the evening portion of the date, talking about that the date went so well and he feels so close to her, it was perfect, he wants her to meet his family.
And then we see a weeping Katie, not dressed up for an evening date—wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. She knocks on his door, and they sit on the couch—and at this point we know that she is sending him HOME.
Connor tells her “I know where this is going. It’s okay.” and takes it really well—is even comforting her through her dumping him. MY HEART!
Anyway the whole thing is absolutely heartbreaking, Katie obviously feels bad, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do.
So anyway, poor Connor then cries in the confessional, laments “how bad of a kisser” he must be (CONNOR!!!) and then he goes to see the rest of the men to say goodbye before he leaves.
All of the guys look stunned by the news. They are all CRYING and telling him how good of a guy he is and are genuinely upset to be saying goodbye to him.
I feel sad because Connor was a total fave for me, but I did guess this was coming after the preview last week. My one comfort is that there are goign to be approximately one million weird cat-girls like me sliding into Connor’s DMs. Good for you, Connor.
Meanwhile, Katie is crying in her hotel room, feeling sorry about saying goodbye to Connor, when she hears music playing outside. She opens her window and sees BLAKE holding a stereo under her window, Say Anything style. Feels absolutely villainous of Blake to capitalize on Connor being sent home, in my humble opinion.
I’m just imagining how this went down. Like, Blake sees a weeping Connor coming to say goodbye and pulls aside the nearest production intern to be like “Yo get me a boombox, STAT.”
I mean look, whatever, it’s a game and our favorite man-dible knows how to play.
Blake gets invited into her hotel room to hang, they chat and make out a little bit, and lo and behold, Katie is quickly cured of her Connor sadness. I was convinced that they were gonna boink right then and there, but they did not (as far as we saw).
Rose Ceremony
Katie pulls a boss move and decides to cancel the cocktail party because “time isn’t going to make a difference tonight.”
So they proceed quickly to the ELIMINATIONS. Katie only has six little roses to pass out tonight, meaning that 4 more dudes (Connor makes 5 for this episode) are getting sent home. Yikes!
The dudes are quaking.
Hunter gets called first—but it’s just because Katie wants to pull him aside to talk to him a little more before proceeding. Hunter looks absolutely ridiculous in his rent-a-tux. Katie once again confronts him once again about the accusations from the guys in the house, Hunter one again denies/grovels. Katie brings him back into the ceremony, only to eliminate him—alongside James the box guy, Tre, and Aaron.
That means that still on the table are: Blake, Greg, Justin, Mike the Dad, Mike the Virgin, Andrew, and Brendan—what the absolute fuck did I miss? Who is Brendan? This man has not had more than 2 minutes on screen for the entire season so far, why is he still here??
Predictions:
Top 4 are going to be- Blake, Greg, Andrew, and Mike the Dad.
Frontwinner- I am honestly torn between Blake and Greg. I think that right now Blake seems like Katies clear favorite, but we’ve seen previews where Blake tells Katie he’s not in love with her—and I think Katie might really take that into consideration when making her choice. Hard not to, especially when you have mutliple other dudes telling you they are falling for you.
Drama suspicions: I still think that Mike the Dad is gonna self-eliminate bc he misses his kid. I wonder if Greg is gonna bail, too. I really don’t see Andrew as a frontrunner for Katie, so I guess this makes Blake her pick by default?
These next few episodes are gonna be so loaded with drama, I cannot WAIT.