It came to my attention after episode 1 that literally the entire planet is obsessed with Greg—the very same man who gave me massive ick vibes/who I thought was awkward/who for some reason thought macaroni art was a cool gift for his potential future wife:
Look, I am not exactly known for my ability to select decent partners. My past romantic entanglements have included: at least 1 serial cheater, more than one grown man who have unhealthy obsessions with Taylor Swift, a man whose apartment was inexplicably wallpapered with photo printouts of Nicholas Cage, a man who chose to having a lava lamp tattooed permanently on his body but claimed that he was afraid of long-term commitment, and more than one person who slid into the DMs of my female friends while they were still dating me (as though my friends wouldn’t tell me?) (and still denied it when presented with screenshots?) (lord help me).
Current partner excluded, I have made a lot of…errors. But look, if there is benefit to having made many, many (MANY) dating mistakes, it that I have absolutely refined my radar for BAD MEN, and let me tell you, the radar is tingling.
ANYWAY….
The First Group Date
Alright, so episode 2 is all about the first dates. Can I just say, the producers who planned these dates absolutely chose VIOLENCE, wow. Okay.
The first group date has a predictable theme: Sex. Eye roll.
Katie, as we know, is painted as being super ~sex positive~ or whatever. Upon reflection, it has to be said, I am…not really sure why she has gotten this reputation. Like, I am…not sure why this is her defining trait. All we really know about her is that she has had sex at least a few times and owns a vibrator. Welcome to…idk, 90% of women?
The guys keep making comments about how “comfortable Katie is with her sexuality,” and how they have never dated a woman who has been so open about sex before and it truly has me like confused. Like, I know I exist in a very liberal, very feminist bubble, but I’m like…surely the majority of women enjoy sex? Are able to talk about sex with their partners? Masturbate occasionally? Is Katie really that unique? Idk!
Anyway, so the first date is this sexy performance art situation. The men are first quizzed on sex trivia (they all do poorly, but TO BE FAIR, I consider myself pretty well-read on sex related things and even I had no idea that women are more likely to have an orgasm while wearing socks) (I googled this later and it turns out to be true) After the lil pop quiz, the men are informed that they each need to come up with a performance (medium of their choosing) to convince Katie o f why they are ~the greatest lover of all time~ (BARF)
And of course, Mike the Virgin is on this date, and he is having a meltdown—because the Bachelor franchise would be nothing if they were not exploiting some poor person one way or another, amiright?
Mike the Virgin says right away (to us, the viewer) that he is waiting until marriage to do the deed, but at this point in the show, Katie doesn’t know (and I think the other guys don’t, either). I said it last week and I’ll say it again: this is a boring trope and I don’t understand why this show keeps doing this. It’s not even interesting? Like, this guy made a choice to not have sex and he wants to wait for the right person, and that is fine. I feel like everyone expects this to be mad dramatic, but in my opinion (and in my own personal brand of sex-positivity), being “sex positive” is not just about being cool and open about having sex—it is about being cool and open about people making whatever choices are right for them, including the choice not to have it. (SHOCKING!)
Obviously he is going to need to find a partner who is chill with this choice—maybe it’s Katie, maybe it’s not. I do think that Katie is at least cool enough to not let his lack of sexual experience be the deal-breaker (at least not this early on), so whyyy are we harping on this?
So needless to say, I am instantly annoyed that the producers put this poor man in this situation, on this particular date, purely to create a Situation. Still, Mike makes the best of it by writing/reading aloud a “letter to his future wife” in which he explains that he is waiting for her blah blah blah it is mushy and cute and I find myself weirdly endeared to him. He ends up winning the prize for best performance at the date, obviously.
Other notable performances include:
My man Connor the Cat performing a song on a guitar/piano in which he rhymes “self-worth” with “girth” (swoon) (he was robbed of the date prize imo but I GET it, Mike the Virgin was the obvious choice).
Christian the Boston guy (my sworn enemy) tried to talk seductively about cleaning a litter (littah) box and somehow had tear-away pants? where? how? where did those COME FROM?
Tre performed an X-rated puppet show. The puppets (a lion and a giraffe) had a safe word. I am…upset.
James keeps up the box theme and pulls a “dick in the box” joke. Sigh.
Karl tries to give like, a motivational speech or something. It was…not good, lmao. (“Motivational Speaker” is allegedly his profession) (I say ‘allegedly’ because no part of my brain can comprehend a reality in which people pay this man to speak, motivationally or otherwise).
After the group-date activity, the men get to spend time w Katie. Connor the Cat sits down with her first and I once again find myself just loving how cute and pure he is. Katie tells him that he was the first guy she remembered when he got out of the limo (it was…probably the cat outfit). They smooch and it’s cute (although idk why the heck he keeps grabbing her HEAD? Like dude I’d be pissed if someone messed up my hair like this:)
Anyway, at this point I gotta say that as much as I love/adore/have my own crush on Connor, I am feeling mostly friend vibes from Katie, I think. Sigh. I suspect she will keep him around for a few weeks because she obviously likes him, but I do not think that for Katie there are romance-sparks. I’m SAD about this, I hope I am wrong, but that’s what I’m feelin’ at the moment.
Other notable things from the group date after-party:
Fucking KARL is out here making me feel like he is either paying too much attention to those Pick-Up Artist guys, or trying to become one himself. Keep in mind he is (allegedly) a motivational speaker. Is this his secret thing? Anyway, I notice his like weird sustained eye-contact, the way he mirrors what she says back to her, he deflects her questions…idk, I do NOT like him.
Mike chats w Katie more about his virginity; he has a sense of humor about it, which I appreciate.
Thomas (out of left field) is suddenly super hot, places a massive hand on Katie’s thigh, they make out hard enough to reveal the tiny shorts under her dress (oo la la). Thomas gets the group date rose. I see you, Katie.
The One on One Date- GREG
Clearly Greg is the front-runner for Katie at this point, and I am mad at it. Greg got the first impression rose and now he got the first one-on-one date, so it’s pretty obvious where Katie’s mind is at.
Their date is a “camping trip,” but it’s not overnight—so basically they just go into the wilderness, Greg reveals that he has no idea how to pitch a tent (heh heh heh), and then they go fishing or whatever. A focal point of this date was creating a makeshift toilet out of a bucket, for some absolutely unhinged reason.
Katie reveals to Greg that her dad (who passed away in 2012) used to take her camping and that’s why she wanted to do this date, blah blah. At first, I felt sort of annoyed because Greg seemed really dodgey and unsure of how to respond to Katie’s emotional state. Katie was being super vulnerable, and I didn’t really feel like I was getting an appropriate level of empathy/vulnerability out of Greg in return.
HOWEVER, later in the date, they sit down to dinner and Greg reveals that his dad also passed away, about two years ago—so to be fair to Greg, maybe he was trying to navigate how to communicate this to her while giving her space to talk about her dad, which I GUESS I can appreciate. So he tells her about his dad, and then suddenly they are both crying/trauma-bonding. Katie says things like that she “feels like they are dating” and that she thinks he’s going to “stay for a long time” and I’m on my couch shaking my fucking head, because nothing makes people fall low-key in love like shared trauma, and I DON’T LIKE GREG.
I get VIBES from him dude, idk!! He’s gonna turn out to be bad, mark my words. I know I am a total outlier here because every other Bach fan on the planet loooooves Greg, but I am standing my ground.
In my defense: I have learned via the GOSSIP MILL that this man is a trained actor—a fact which he as conveniently not mentioned in his cast bio or at all on the show up to this point. He went to William Esper Acting School, and this apparently is raising questions (amongst the conspiracy-minded, aka my People) about whether or not he is on the show for the “right reasons,” ie: there is speculation that he’s on the show to gain popularity/fame that will boost his acting career. Lmao, in my opinion this would be a WEIRD move because I cannot imagine that reality TV is going to be anything but a detractor on a serious acting resume, but what do I know.
To be clear, an actor bring on this show is not immediately a red flag—the red flag is that it seems he is hiding it. Especially because Katie, of all people, is super about transparency and honesty. Also, because he just did finished the program in 2019—recently!—so it’s not like an old thing and now he’s moved on or something. From what I can gather, this is like, a fairly “big deal” acting school—it’s not like a hobby thing where you take a few classes for fun, it’s a legitimate training school. This place has a good amount of notable alumni. It is a choice not to mention going to this school, in my opinion. The acting thing also makes me suspicious that he could be a great liar…since he is…trained to …act, and be convincing about it.
ALSO, I have learned that Greg originally was cast on Clare’s season—he was on the cast list, but then he got cut for whatever reason. This doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but might point to the idea that he just wants to be on the show and he’s not really there for Katie specifically. Just a thought! *sips tea*
IDK GUYS, maybe this is a huge stretch, but I’m standing my ground on this one for now lol.
Anyway, unfortunately Katie seems smitten. Sigh.
The Second Group Date
Group date 2 is essentially a weird mud wrestling competition. The guys have to get dressed up as cowboys—a weird choice because then they immediately have to remove their shirts and get into a puddle of mud.
I don’t really understand this date. There don’t appear to be rules, it is literally just shirtless men flopping around in a pool of mud. The game is judged by a guy with a long white beard (who is he?)
The (surely producer-inspired) drama of this situation unfolds when Cody and Aaron are paired up to wrestle. In the first episode, we got a glimpse of some unspoken drama between these two —but with absolutely no information or context. In this episode, we learn that Cody and Aaron are both from San Diego and “know each other from back home” (what the heck are the ODDS), and so whatever the issue is between them, it happened off camera/before the show. Anyway, Aaron wins the date challenge and gets extra time w Katie, much to the chagrin of Cody.
Due to the fact that she has functioning eyeballs and a brain, Katie picked up on the tension between Aaron/Cody and obviously inquires with Aaron about it during their one-on-one time. Aaron explains that he believes Cody is on the show for “the wrong reasons,” ostensibly to obtain “fame,” that he handles situations in a “malicious” way which Aaron finds disturbing, and something about social media posts that rubbed him the wrong way. It is still not clear to ME, the viewer, what the fuck the actual issue is with Cody, but Katie is furious. Someone has decided to come on this television show for FAME? GASP.
Later that evening, Katie pulls Cody aside to confront him about the Aaron Accusations. Cody doesn’t have any good explanations for himself, other than to say that Aaron is “exaggerating,” indicating that there was something to exaggerate about. Katie picks up on this too, and continues to fume.
After talking to Katie, Cody confronts Aaron and is basically like “No one would have known we knew each other if you just kept your mouth shut!!!” which is wholly not the issue and an absolutely weird stance to take, my dude, but okay. Katie ultimately decides that she already cannot trust Cody, so she sends him home on the spot. Cody, to his credit, goes gracefully and with not much fuss. I still have not one singular clue what Cody even did—I have to assume that Aaron gave a more robust explanation and the murkiness is due to editing or something? Annoying, but whatever, BYE CODY, give Sandy our regards.
So the night goes on and things seem to be going relatively well, which obviously means that the evening is about to take a TURN. Out of left field, KARL (the motivational speaker weirdo) reveals himself to be the male version of Queen Victoria, by creating shit/drama totally out of thin air! (Part of me wants Karl/Victoria to meet and fall in love; the other part of me fears that this will cause the universe to implode).
Basically Karl decides to piggy-back off the Cody/Aaron drama and says to Katie that there are “other men who are also here for the wrong reasons” but he won’t tell her who, or how-so, even when she asks multiple times (guess what: it’s because he’s making it up and doesn’t actually know!)
To me, it seemed fully obvious that Karl was trying to position himself as a ~guy to trust~ and that he is there for the right reasons, by throwing the other guys under the bus. However, this totally backfires on him when he is unable to provide names or examples (Again: because there are none—he’s making it up!). Unfortunately, it still sends Katie into an absolute spiraling meltdown. She confronts the group and basically tells them that if anyone is not there to potentially marry her, to get the fuck out. She then pulls Aaron aside to see if he knows what is going on, leaving the rest of them men standing around like “what the fuck is happening.”
Karl admits that he is the one who told Katie that there are “multiple” people there for the wrong reasons. The other guys are like “Dude what the hell, why?” and he stands his ground, defending himself by saying that he “isn’t sure” whether everyone is really there for love, but obviously he is just speculating. It seems that no one has any other specific examples or reasons to doubt any of the men in the house, but Karl is basically like “I am not putting anyone on blast, I am just accusing an unspecified number of you of being fake clout-chasers!!!” and everyone is screaming at him that he’s an idiot (true) and this was the “stupidest thing he could have done” (also true).
The episode ends with Katie weeping, no rose ceremony, and Karl having painted himself into a villainous corner. PHEW.
Closing Thoughts
Look, I am very, very tired of this whole “PEOPLE AREN’T HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS” thing. I see that this comes up a lot in these reality show discussions and I’m like…this is so stupid. I get it, the idea behind the show is to ~find love~ and maybe get engaged, and it is probably annoying for Katie to have to grapple with the idea that maybe some of the dudes are only there to get some Instagram followers. But it has to be said: no one goes on a fucking national television show because they don’t want attention. I include Katie herself in this!
Like, come ON. Let’s be real here. No one goes on TV because they don’t want to be on TV. Every single person on this show went on the show knowing that this was, at the very least, going to get them some notoriety. If any of these people were actually simply “looking for love,” they could do it the old fashioned way: suffering on the apps like the rest of us.
I’m just saying, like, if you are really just trying to find your person, there are a ton of ways to do that which don’t involve being in mainstream media, lmao. The audacity of these people to accuse each other of being on the show for “fame” is hilarious to me. Y’all wanted to be on TV, all of you are on some level there for clout, whether you want to admit it or not. Sure, maybe they are also open to the idea of falling in love, but at the end of the day, 99% of the contestants know they are walking away with nothing—except a headshot and some hotties in their DMs.
Current predictions:
Frontrunner for winner at this point is obviously (and unfortunately) Greg. I am holding out hope that something will blow up and reveal him to be as slimey as I believe him to be, but we shall see. For now, he’s the obvious fave.
Other men pulling to the front of the line: Thomas, maybe Andrew. Connor is still a frontrunner in my mind, but maybe not Katie’s.
Karl is gonna get booted ASAP, I hope. Why is he shadowboxing in the next episode preview hahaha help
-Amy