Okay wow what a ROLLERCOASTER.
I am going to like…very briefly recap the finale but mostly my thoughts in this newsletter are going to be about:
1) Standing my ground about Greg absolutely being an emotionally manipulative, gaslighty jerk who should be avoided at all costs;
2) My absolute horror at the majority of Bach fans still being Team Greg because the patriarchy has brainwashed them into giving a pass to any man with nice hair and the ability to lie;
3) Bach nation trying to paint Katie as a villain for having a perfectly reasonable emotional reaction to being treated poorly by Greg (see 2, above).
As we can see, I am…having some feelings. Buckle up.
So, this finale is 3 hours long. I was READY. Last we saw Katie, she was weeping on the floor of a bathroom on heels of Greg bailing (good riddance), and asking for someone to "book her ticket home." Justin.
The format of this episode switches between the last days on the resort and present day "After the final rose" finale discussions. We start off with hosts Kaitlyn and Tayshia giving a recap of the season, and then Katie is brought on stage to speak specifically about Greg leaving. She expresses that in the moment, she blamed herself and couldn’t understand what she did to make this man, who was allegedly so in love with her, leave. It's clear that she is still (rightfully) emotional (angry) over the Greg thing, so we know it is going to get spicy later in the episode when Greg and Katie face each other for the first time since he left.
I guess some producer must have gotten on their knees and begged Katie not to get them fired, because she obviously decided to continue with the show after all—despite begging for a plane ticket home at the end of the last episode. Greg's self-elimination leaves Katie with two remaining finalists: Blake and Justin. I gotta say, at this point, we all know there's not going to be a huge surprise—we know she's gonna pick Blake if she picks anyone at all.
So, Tayshia/Kaitlyn break the news to Blake and Justin re: Greg. They are shook. Justin honestly looks like it's only now hit him that he might have to actually propose to a woman in just a few days, lmao.
Like, he is just as confused as anyone as to why he is still on this show. Still, they act excited to proceed to ~fantasy suites week~ ie, the time during the show where they get to boink if they wanna. Nice.
Fantasy Suites
So the first overnight goes to Blake. Convenient, considering what we know is coming.
On their date, Katie talks to Blake about what happened with Greg (and Michael the Dad), and even admits that she considered leaving after these back-to-back exits because she felt like she had strong relationships with both of those guys. Blake seems kind of surprised to hear this—like it rattles him to hear that she felt so strongly for them that she thought about leaving altogether. Still, I think he takes it pretty well, though it does get him stressed that he might be hung up on Greg (fair).
However, our beloved beard is not to be deterred. Over dinner, he decides to finally share his feelings w Katie. He is very cute and brings up specific things about the time they spent together, and highlighted his fave things about Katie (aw) before confessing that he is ~in love with her~
There are a couple of things that I found interesting about this: Blake said that he has "felt a lot of love from Katie" up to this point and highlighted specific ways that she has shown him love without actually saying it outright. It's INTERESTING because I felt like Katie had been going above and beyond to do this for Greg especially, and yet that dreadful muppet of a man got bent out of shape because she wouldn't say the words (due to her self-set boundary about not saying it until the end, regardless of how she felt). ALSO, can you imagine if the roles had been reversed, and Katie had told Greg that she thought about leaving because some other man self-eliminated? Greg would have fucking lost his mind and spiraled into a pit of sniveling insecurity.
The night and day difference in emotional intelligence between Greg and Blake! We love a grown up! We hate a man-child! BOO GREG!!!
Now, as we know, Katie has repeatedly stated that she was only going to say "I love you" to one man—the man who receives the final rose. So in this moment, I am not sure if Katie is going to reciprocate Blake's proclamation of love—but she does! She says it back! She "fucking loves" Blake!
So obviously at this point, it's a done deal. Blake is it, Justin is out. We know that after saying she loves Blake, she's not going to say the same to Justin (based on what she's said about only saying it to 1 person). Katie and Blake spend the night together in the fantasy suite and these two weirdos prob had some kind of crazy maple syrup sex or whatever. Good for them, love that for them.
The next day, Katie gives Kaitlyn the low-down about her night (it was "very satisfying, multiple times") and expresses joy about how she's feeling over Blake. Yay! Then Kaitlyn is like "haha but what about Justin" and Katie is like "Oh crap."
Luckily, she doesn't drag out the inevitable. Justin shows up for his date with Katie, and Katie immediately breaks up with him. He is obviously very sad, but takes it graciously. We then snap back to present day after-the-final-rose, for Justin's interview/for Justin to talk to Katie for the first time since being dumped on screen.
Justin expresses that at times it felt like he was "only there by default" and that he wasn't really chosen by Katie—ie, if people like Michael A and Greg had not self-eliminated, he might have not gotten as far as he had (correct, we have all been thinking this for weeks). Katie reassures him that he was there for a reason (yes, the reason is that people kept ditching Katie lmao) but honestly, I don't think that Justin was going to propose to Katie if by some weird turn of events, he was the one at the end. I think he probably liked Katie, but was he in love with her? Eeeh.
Katie and Justin have a nice exchange, they seem to be on okay terms and their interaction on the finale seems generally cordial. I feel sad for Justin but also, he's very hot, so I'm sure he's fine. I'm wishing all the best to him and the hordes of women crawling into his DMs as I type.
So now it's time for Blake to meet Katie's family (her mother and aunt) for the first time. I won't go into a lot of detail here except to say that they gave some TOUGH LOVE. The aunt was…a lot.
Aunt really just LAID INTO Blake, interrogating him like she was interviewing for the role of "Bad Cop" on SVU or something. Like, holy smokes. It's one thing to be a tough cookie protecting your fave niece, but this was kind of on a different level, in my opinion. She raises some valid points (Katie/Blake have not discussed where they will live or even if they will move in together, how they are going to deal with their jobs, how they plan to deal with conflict, if they are really ready for a marriage after only knowing each other for a few weeks, etc). That's all fair. However, she also makes comments to Blake like "You ultimately mean nothing, hate to break it to you," and "What made you want to come on this season after you flunked out of the last one?" and she kept being really condescending about Blake's responses, saying things like "That's cute, but…."
Listen, we all know I stan a man-hating queen, but thiiiiis was kind of cringe to watch. Blake handled himself alright, all things considered, though he did seem visibly uncomfy. Who could blame him?!
It has to be said, if Greg had met this woman, it would have been an absolute bloodbath, which is the one and only reason I am sad that he self-eliminated. Would have loved nothing more than to see him weep after a verbal lashing.
After the fam meet-and-great, we kinda rush through the timeline. Blake picks out a ring with Tayshia (hilarious because she is his ex, technically) and we have some will-he-or-wont-he tension leading up to the end. Obviously he proposes, Tayshia/Kaitlyn react in a way that Chris Harrison never could:
And thennnnnnnnnnn it's time.
It's time for the Greg interview:
This absolute villain turns up and he's all smiles for the camera. He reiterates his spiel about how he "Felt like he was giving her everything," but he didn't get anything back. He ADMITS that he knew she did not want to say I love you to anyone until the end—this is relevant—but then states that "this is where their disconnect lay," once again implying that she should have said it if she wanted him to stay.
He says that he wouldn't have done anything differently and he has no regrets. Ho ho ho.
So then Katie comes out—STOMPS out—and walks right by him with nary a hug nor hello before plopping on the couch as far from him as she can get. The tension is palpable. Greg sits uncomfortably beside Katie—he's literally hanging off of the couch at one point in his effort to get away from her, as he SHOULD:
Katie lays into him immediately, bringing up all of the points which *ahem* I have been pointing out all along: She doesn't think he ever intended to get engaged at the end, he complained about needing validation even though she was giving him as much as possible at every turn, and that he was looking for an opportunity to escape because he wasn't ready for or not wanting an engagement.
She brings up the whole thing where he claimed she "filled a hole in his heart" and points out that if that were true, and he were so in love with her, it was despicable that he treated her the way that he did (correct). If he was so in love with her, how could he just leave the instant things got hard, etc etc (all the points I made in the last post lolol). She also accuses him outright of using her for "experience and exposure" and brings up the acting thing for the first time on the show.
So, to clarify and remind us all: Bachelor fans found out over the course of the season that Greg went to an acting program very recently, though this was not something that he EVER mentioned on screen. Odd of him, considering the program he completed is actually pretty prestigious—implying that acting is a serious interest he's planning to pursue. I won't go over all this again because it is all in the episode 2 recap, but Katie had no way of knowing any of this until after the show wrapped. She did not know about the acting stuff while she was actively interacting with Greg on the show—because he didn't tell her, which imo is a calculated omission of information.
Katie also says that she has heard that Greg is not really the sweet, shy guy he made himself out to be on the show—that he's actually a "Confident, cocky boy from Jersey who knows that he's hot shit" and that his persona on the show was all an act. This has been indicated in various posts around the internet from people who know Greg IRL (allegedly), which is also very interesting—though obviously I cannot confirm or deny these allegations, but I believe them, because his vibes are EVIL.
Greg starts doing the whole "I'm sorry you feel that way" thing, which makes me want to scream. He literally said "I'm sorry you feel like that" multiple times which, to be clear, is not an apology at all. An apology does not look like "I'm sorry that you FEEL like this," or "I'm sorry, BUT." An apology is "I am sorry for X specific thing" and I don't think that came out of Greg's mouth not once.
At about this point in the finale, I took a look at the internet and BOY, did I get mad. Of course, many people are anti-Katie and I'm gonna critique several of the more popular opinions I saw:
This is not a good look; She's doing too much; The way she is acting is bad for some reason:
Really? We're going to tone police her now? Look, yes, Katie was speaking with anger, but she is entitled to her feelings. She has a right to be angry. He treated her…badly! A woman having a valid emotional reaction to being treated poorly should not be frowned upon, BYE.
She obviously still has feelings for Greg; is she REALLY happily engaged if she's acting this mad at Greg still?; She's obviously still heartbroken.
This one….this is the one that truly sent me on a rage spiral. To be clear: Being mad at an ex and being in love with someone else are not mutually exclusive. She can be in love with Blake and still pissed about how Greg treated her. Being neutral about a person is not a requirement for moving on!!! Let me say it again: NEUTRALITY IS NOT A REQUIREMENT FOR MOVING ON.
Like, I am very much not still in love with any of my exes, but I do still feel anger at the way some of them treated me.
For example: My absolute worst ex—the guy I dated in college— was awful, abusive, and a serial cheater, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Since the dissolution of that relationship, many years and hours of therapy have gone by. I have dated many, many people since then. I have been in love since then, more than once! I am not hung up on my ex, I do not still love him, I am not stuck in the past, I have moved on from that relationship and any positive emotions I ever had about him.
BUT, if today I had to sit in a room and listen to that ex say that he had "no regrets" about the way that he treated me, I would lose my damn mind. I still absolutely get angry whenever I talk about him. I wish him nothing but plague and disaster. A curse on his house, his family, and everything he holds dear. None of this indicates that I'm still in love with him—it means I am rightfully pissed the hell off that I wasted years of my life and thousands of therapy dollars because of this shit-monster of a man. I will not ever be neutral about him and that is not a requirement for my mental health or proving that I've "moved on"—speak to my past therapist(s) if you wish to argue about this because you are incorrect and I am tired.
THIS IS ALL TO SAY: I fully believe that it is possible for Katie to be happily engaged to Blake while still being mad at Greg for hurting her—like, those two things can exist at the same time??? I ????
Katie doesn't know what gaslighting is; Katie is the one gaslighting Greg
Y'all really don't know what the fuck that word means, do you?
Let me break it down for the uninitiated: GASLIGHTING is when someone makes you question your perception of reality. That is what Greg did to Katie.
Greg required validation again and again and again, which Katie gave to him, but then he claimed he was getting none—causing Katie to question if she had done something wrong, if she hadn't been clear, if she hadn't shown him enough that she wanted him there/wanted to be with him in the end. Greg claimed that Katie wasn't on the same page as him (even though he knew that he was her top choice and that he was going to win), again causing Katie to question her own reality because in her eyes (AND MINE) she was doing the most to show him that she cared for him. Greg kept accusing her of "acting like the bachelorette" as though she…wasn't the bachelorette? What?? How else is she supposed to act? That's her literal role?? Greg turned off all love/affection for Katie the very second he didn't get exactly what he wanted. Greg heard Katie beg him to stay and apologize, but he still left claiming he "deserved more" even after she gave everything she could. AHEM.
Re Katie being the gaslighter:
It is NOT gaslighting to point out the actual, factual timeline of events which were literally filmed and presented on screen before our very eyes. Like, dudes, we have RECEIPTS, how are you going to act like anything Katie said was untrue?
It is NOT gaslighting to express your anger and disappointment at being lied to and having your boundaries pushed by a manipulative man—which he DID! As stated above, he admitted knowing that she had the "no I love you's" boundary, but also admitted that in order for him to stay, that I what he needed to hear.
It is NOT gaslighting to stand up for yourself, even if you think Katie's tone is "too much."
It is NOT gaslighting to respond in an emotional way to someone treating you poorly!
And look, people keep wanting to be really pedantic about the meaning of "gaslighting," which, fine. I happen to think it was gaslighting, but fine. Taking this particular term off the table, I am absolutely mind-boggled as to how people can watch the way Greg was acting and think that he isn't being totally toxic.
The patriarchy has you all simping over a man who is a shitty toxic fuckboy and I am embarrassed for each and every person who is Team Greg at this point. Like, y’all really do be blinded by some swoopy hair and a suit, I swear. Open your damn eyes!!! SCREAM!!!
Anyway, so their interactions end with a very awkward "I wish you nothing but the best" from both parties and then Greg goes away, hopefully forever.
The rest of the finale is just Katie/Blake gushing about each other. Blake does a cheesy thing with boom boxes again, there's a shower of rose petals, and then that's the end. Katie and Blake are engaged, they are happy, they are in love—at least for now. Say what y’all will about Blake, but I am thrilled that Katie did not end up with Greg. I was getting very nervous about this for a second there. Yay etc.
Phewww what a Journey, you guys.
I had a lot more fun than I expected watching this season (and Matt James’ season, too) so I gues I’m a Bach fan now. Looking forward to MICHELLE’S season, which I might also recap in the same way? Probably? We’ll see. I don’t plan to do recaps of Bachelor in Paradise or whatever is happening coming up but will probably hate-watch it and have things to say, so please do hmu if you want to discuss.
Until next time!
-Amy